COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
Stephanie S. Blansett, R.N., C
2176 North Mount Juliet Road, Suite 201
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-3070
(615) 758-7568
Website: serve.com/Blansett
Email: Blansett@mail.datarealm.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
Conversation, open and free flowing, is one key to being informed. Those of us who grew up during the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Cold War know that first hand. We remember the installation of the "Red Phone" in the White House that allowed our President to call the Soviet Union's Premier and ask a simple question: "Can we talk this out without launching missiles?" Somehow, however, it seams that we have lost the wisdom of keeping in touch, and talking it out. The recently released video tapes by the Columbine High School Killers reveals that if only their parents had asked questions, searched their rooms, questioned their activities and especially why that rifle was sticking out of his back pack the killings would never have taken place. Of course we all know just asking the questions isn't always enough, we parents must require answers, and then we need to check the story out. In the 70's educators and parents chuckled at the expected and accepted response to the parent's question "Where are you going? And what are you going to do?". No longer can we accept the response, "Out. Nothing." We parents can actually say, "Without actual, credible and verifiable responses, you'll sit there all weekend." We can, but its so very uncomfortable to confront our children, and it is time consuming to monitor them, and to keep them in tow. A phrase often heard is "well, he/she is 15 years old, she/he ought to be dependable." Ought and Should are words that, by their very definition, describe something that isn't. It describes a fantasy. One wouldn't think for a second about leaving a five year old unsupervised. Yet it's the 15 year old, not the five year old, who is at greatest risk of using drugs, becoming pregnant, or other life ending activities. A lesson worth remembering is a lesson of the Cold War: Trust but Verify. Oh yes, there are other good lessons, too: Ask, Observe, Question, Engage in Conversation and Dialogue, search the rooms of all minor children, require that your child's friends become your friends if there is any hope of them doing anything together. Children with nothing to hide respond favorably to such parental involvement. Children who don't respond favorably need your involvement all the more. Have a Great Holiday!
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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