COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
First things first. Congratulations to our oldest son, Phillip, Junior (Skip), and his wife Shannon, on the birth of their daughter, Cleopatra Elizabeth Blansett (Chloe) on Thursday at 7:10 p.m.! Which gave me plenty of opportunities to reflect on all of these parenting issues I raise, and which are experienced by the folk who come to me for marriage and family counseling. I opted to focus this week on the powerful psychological phenomenon of "DENIAL". We usually think of denial in terms of denying (or not admitting) something that we did or are accused of doing. In psychology,"DENIAL" is quite different. It is seen in the sweet smile of a young daughter-in-law who claims "Oh, it wasn't so bad.", when to us men folk it looked devastating. From the male perspective, it is a wonder the human race has lasted this long. Men, our mommas are heros! Denial is seen in the mom or dad, attending a parent/teacher conference and receiving reports of inappropriate behavior, yet never understanding that there is a connection between what the teacher is saying and their own dissatisfaction with their child's at-home behavior. It is seen in the alcoholic's (or the smoker's) claim of ability to quit whenever they want, if only they wanted to. It is seen in the plea to the police officer of the speeder who claims they never speed, really, and certainly never will again. In the case of the thief who denies stealing, but secretly knows he did it, that is lying. The sort of denial describe earlier, though, is different because the one denying, really believes himself. Some denial-ability is good and even necessary, as it protects us. As a fighter pilot who had friends fail to return, denial that it could as well have been us who didn't return was important in order to return to the cockpit. Other denial-ability is harmful, as in the denial of youth who don't believe auto accidents will ever happen to them, or that they will ever get AIDS or other diseases if they accept what has become normal but deadly social behavior. What is the "fix" for denial? To recognize it as a real and powerful force. To develop counseling relationships with another person, be it parent, teacher, supervisor, clergy or psychotherapist. To ask, on a regular basis, of yourself and of those from whom you seek counsel, if your perceptions are accurate. As we, and those whom we love, live in an increasingly "ME" society, maintaining our anchor to a rock of dependability is increasingly important. We can deceive ourselves as easily or more so that we can be deceived by others. Measure your own sense of denial, ask others to help.
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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