COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
I'm guilty of it, too. All of us are, really, and it doesn't make any sense when you think about it. We simply do the things that are not good for us and we avoid doing the things that are. We know that stress alone causes elevated blood pressure, contributing to stroke and heart disease. We know that undisciplined diet increases opportunities for heart disease, ulcers, and some forms of cancer. We know these things and yet still smoke, drink, eat, and behave as if there were no accountability. And while those of us who are adults, or who are kids with permissive parents, know these things, statistics show that life prolonging activities largely ignored. This article focuses on one simple activity that will directly affect the quality of our lives. It's a hard one to impose on children, and it's a hard one for adults, too. It is the activity of SELF imposed delayed gratification. Yes, we are all familiar with outside imposed delayed gratification. You can't get a driver's license until you are 16, unless your parents argue for your special case in court, for instance. But SELF imposed delayed gratification is the important ability and commitment to delay "getting it" whatever "it" is. Delaying getting the car you want and can afford. Delaying getting the latest CD or video. Delaying spending the money earned or received as a gift. These simple acts of delaying gratification are all free, and do a lot to strengthen our sense of having some control over life. If I could boil down to one or two things that most people bring into a counseling session, it would be their sense of being out of control. Well, we are all out of control of many things. But there are many OTHER things we are very much in control of. Learning the difference between the two, and then deciding to exercise control over the things we CAN control helps conquer these feelings of helplessness. This is true whether it is a parent struggling with parenting issues, or a teen struggling with his parents. It is true whether it is an employer struggling with work force problems, or a worker struggling with his employee. But we, as a society, have forgotten the lessons of self imposed delayed gratification. We see it mirrored in the high credit card (I have to have it NOW!) debt, in sudden marriages, and just as sudden divorces or split-ups. We see it in the sudden conception of children and the sudden decisions to dispose of them in one of many ways. We see it in the use of drugs (I've got to escape NOW!), and in every aspect of our society. Yes, and we see it as we trail through a changing yellow to red light, as if not making that light is so very important. Its not. What might be more important is to give thanks for having to stop, and then to spend the time while stopped reviewing life's blessings.
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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