COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
Experience can be a tough teacher. We've all heard people talk about how they've "graduated from the School of Hard Knocks", and we know that they usually mean that the "School of Experience" is a difficult and sometimes harsh school. But there is one thing that is harder even than learning from experience. One of the phrases that has come to mean a lot to me is the phrase used by some of the Adolescent Wilderness Treatment Programs. That phrase simply is, "The only thing worse than learning from experience is NOT learning from experience." But we see people all of the time who just haven't yet learned from experience, and OUR experience tells us they must experience it again and again, until the lesson of experience sinks in and is finally learned. Any day on the local roads or on the interstate will reveal cars who have crushed front ends and yet are once again following too closely behind other cars, all while going 70 or 80 miles an hour, just waiting for the next front end crush that will occur when the driver in front slows abruptly. And no doubt the tailgating driver will express outrage, shock, dismay and surprise, while attempting to place the blame on the driver who was slowing down or stopping. Once I was stopped at a light behind another car. The light changed and the driver behind me just started driving without noticing that my car and the car in front was still sitting still. The driver behind hit my car, and then he got out and in a rage approached me screaming, "Why didn't you start moving when the light changed!" Pointing out that the car in front of me still hadn't moved didn't calm him down. While hitting me, he pretended that it was he that was wronged. When our children experience the consequence of their thoughts or behaviors, we parents can do them a great service by requiring them to reflect on what they did to cause, precipitate, evoke or experience that consequence. Knowing that everyone is so rushed, time is so scarce, asking parents to do yet one more task in the day with their children can seem unreasonable. So forgo the last television program, or telephone call. Have a seven minute reflection with each child privately as you go over the day with him or her. Insist that the child share with you events of the day from which experience has been gained, and to share how that child learned from those experiences some things that can be useful in the future to avoid uncomfortable consequences. Then your child will learn the importance of striving to learn from experience, which is so much better than not learning from experiences. After all, what else is more important to talk with your child about, than his or her experiences and how they can help the child grow.
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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