COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
OPT OUT - probably the worst two words to have intruded into our language in recent years. Think about it. Of course, my practice of psychotherapy brings me folk who are experiencing difficulty either from the dysfunctional behavior of others, or even from their own dysfunctional behavior, so I do see a goodly number of people who "OPT OUT". People who "OPT OUT" of responsibility by giving their child raising responsibilities to someone else, such as day care centers, or coaches. People "OPT OUT" of marriage, or values and ethics of our society. They "OPT OUT" of following speed limits, stopping at stop signs, and keeping their marriage vows and promises. "OPT OUT" has gotten to be such an expectation in our society that children, and sometimes the adults who raise them, believe that regardless of the situation, there is, or should be, always some option to whatever is required. To tell someone, today, that there simply isn't an option has gained the status of being un-American. Daily, people "OPT OUT" of speed limits, dress codes, work or school assignments. And, we have apparently agreed, somewhere, somehow, that children should be allowed to "OPT OUT" of fitting into society. We've allowed ourselves to become bullied by kids, teens, and educators, into accepting the premise that failure to allow kids to "OPT OUT" damages their self esteem. Frankly, it is hard to see how those Columbine killers suffered from low self esteem as has been alleged. It seems that anyone thinking they can and will destroy the lives of so many have a problem with too great a self-esteem, not too little. They have been lulled into thinking they could "OPT OUT" of almost everything. Recently we have heard a lot about some strange social theory that states that children who "OPT OUT" of societal modes should be seen as "alternatives" (that's another way of phrasing "OPT OUT"). At some point we need to brave this balance between "fitting in", "OPTING OUT", "expressing our personality" and "complying with societal norms". More and more we are allowing people to even "OPT OUT" of speaking English. Yes, I could be writing about the proliferation of Spanish and French language signs and recorded messages, But I'm not. I'm writing about parents "OPTING OUT" of reading to their children as our parents and grandparents did to so many of us. I'm writing about children "OPTING OUT" of writing papers, or reading books or being required, either at home or at school, to form complete, well constructed sentences. It is little wonder that when "push comes to shove" and a child is confronted with something he or she simply must do, they look first to see how they might "OPT OUT".
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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