COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
--------
Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
There is a lot I've learned about the practice of family and marriage counseling that comes from experience, rather than from school. For instance, I've learned that I can never change anyone, except me. I can't change any member of my family, my staff, by community of friends, or acquaintances. For instance, I can't even change the behavior of crooks who would wish to break into my office. I CAN, however, change my own behavior, and if I do that, it might encourage the crook to change his or her own behavior. By installing locks that are difficult to pick, electronic video surveillance both inside and outside the office, radar type motion detectors and door alarms which automatically dial a monitoring station who dispatches police protection, all might cause the would be crook to change his or her own behavior and decide not to risk it. The same crook, on crack or PCP or other drugs might not arrive at the same decision and make the poor choice of attempting to break in, landing themselves in jail. But make no mistake about it. It was the crook who decided his behavior, and I had nothing to do with it, other than changing my own behavior in such a way as to maximize the probabilities that the crook would change his. Our house sits on the diagonal of our lot, and sitting in our living room I am able to see a stop sign. I only know of four people who EVER stop at that stop sign: the three drivers in our family, and the Deputy Sheriff who regularly drives by on his patrol. Thank you, Deputy Sheriff. I'd like to thank you in person one day. I want you to know that your compliance with the law is respected and appreciated. We change the behavior of others by how we change our own behavior. In the same way I see motorists sailing around the stop sign, I see bicyclists riding around the neighborhood enjoying the wonderfully cool weather we've had recently. What I often see is one or two nine year old children riding their bicycles along with their mom and dad. The children, more often than not, are wearing approved bicycle helmets. The parents rarely are. The unintentional consequence, is that the children see it to be a mature thing to ditch the helmets as soon as they are out of sight of the parents or old enough to be able to "pitch the fit" wanting to be "grown up" and helmet-less. The unintended lessons we teach our children often last their lifetimes. And if those lessons have risky consequences, those lifetimes can be cut tragically short.
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
--------
WORD COUNT: 520
