COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
I don't get a lot of response to articles that I write, but someone in Rochester, Michigan (a suburb of Detroit) has been reading this article and has written a letter which I have permission to use. They asked that their location be revealed. As for us in Wilson County, we can either learn from the experiences of others, or we can experience them ourselves. For me, reading about apathy and disinterest is far better than experiencing it. Here is the letter: As for the topic of how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting, in Rochester you will find few who would be interested. The parents in this community do NOT want to parent teenagers! I am appalled at the hours kids 15 and up are allowed to run around. There is no curfew that is enforced. As for drug and alcohol use, I know of no families except of those who kids go to Christian schools, who do not have kids who use- and believe me, I know a lot. Our next door neighbor, has been told three times, has been shown a huge garbage bag of beer cans their son throws into our yard (we SAW him), has been presented with written documentation of where, when and how much pot has been smoked in their home, still refuses to acknowledge a problem. We even told them to get their son tested if they don't believe us - but they never bothered to do that because they don't want to violate the "trusting relationship they have with their son". This is typical. We are a Columbine community. When our daughter was stalked for two weeks last year at the beginning of school, The school counselor said "Oh no, we don't have kids like that here. We have good kids." Supportive parenting is for people who care; it takes a lot of energy, time and attention; it takes the willingness to do battle lovingly and to keep lines of communication open in such a way that you are still a parent and not a buddy. By the time the kids hit the teen years, parents are ready to give up and let the chips fall where they will. That's what I see in my community. Parents feel helpless and refuse to realize that what their kids need is for them to show they care by setting some boundaries- again, in a loving way that won't inspire rebellion and complete lack of cooperation, It is HARD work! and well worth it. We don't have it here. I've described what exists in this community. I suspect a lot of affluent communities are like that now.
For me, I can't wait until the next election. Not so much for who wins or doesn't win, but to see how Wilson County improves its voting record. Why, there isn't even a poll tax anymore. Voting is free: Just Do It!
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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