COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.COUNSELING AND CONSULTATION ASSOCIATES, INC.
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
1621 Eagle Trace Drive
Mount Juliet, Tennessee 37122-7428
(615) 758-7568
Website: http://DrBlansett.com
Email: DrBlansett@DrBlansett.com
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Neighbors Helping Neighbors in Parenting
by
Phillip L. Blansett, Ph.D.
I've spent a lot of hours watching soccer practices, and being away at soccer tournaments as I was this weekend. I've enjoyed it immensely. There is a lot of time to think as you are watching your fourth soccer game of the weekend, especially if you take pictures as I do. Once in a while I get one that is pretty good. And I hear a lot of things being said, as well. A difference between when I as playing, a long time ago, and now, is that if I or my teammate ever got hurt back then, when the coach or referee arrived at our side, one of the first things a player asked was "I didn't say a bad word, did I, Coach?". Only after being told that the player had been successful in not cursing out loud did the player describe his injuries. It is against the rules of youth soccer for a player to utter a curse word during play. They can receive a disciplinary card, and that could potentially eject them from a game, and even the one following as well. Both the player, and the team that depended on his skills, would suffer from that player's inability to exercise self control. You see, it is about self control, not about word knowledge. It is not that I don't know the words one uses when one curses. My tour of duty in a combat zone during the Vietnam era taught me the words, and how to make up new ones if needed. No, its not my lack of knowledge of the words that prevents me from cursing, it is my active decision not to curse. I could curse at the drop of a hat, but simply refuse to. But the children who drive, or are driven, to the games in nice middle, or upper middle class cars, say words that would have gotten a player banned from competition, and probably suspended from their team, and most assuredly a warmed bottom by Mom or Dad, back in the old days. And the words aren't being said just when injured. They are being said, loudly, in front of a compliant referee and a complaisant parent whenever an opposing player out maneuvers, out plays or out smarts him. And no one protests. No one is outraged that the referee doesn't penalize the player, or that the soccer-mom or soccer-dad doesn't yank the boy off of the field and into a dark corner for instant attitude adjustment. Yes, music and television shows make constant cursing a societal norm, but you can't blame the television or the records. When we are confronted by odd-ball behavior, not just odd-ball dress, and having the authority while we refuse to correct it, we are the villains. If children aren't shown and told how to behave, and reminded, corrected and disciplined when they don't, is there any wonder there are excesses and catastrophes in our society? Change begins with asking silently, how we can change ourselves. Saving our children first requires that we recognize that our children are at risk. And they are!
Next week we'll continue to examine how neighbors can help neighbors in parenting.
Dr. Phillip Blansett is a psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville and West Wilson County.
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